Forget about clean underwear, make sure you wear long socks!

I know, I know...I owe you all the update on the race! I'll keep you waiting one more day! I'm just back from The Cape and promise to have some stuff tomorrow...but in the meantime, enjoy the following e-mail my dad wrote to the family yesterday. It's a bit lengthy (now you know where I get it from!) and it was too good to keep to myself...read it all the way through to the end for a good laugh!

My dear children and cuz Paul - I may have mentioned to one or two of you what happened on the first day of the golf trip in Bioloxi, Mississippi. I told mom not to tell anyone but for those that have heard portions, I am setting forth the below Readers’ Digest version so you won’t get your hopes up for a quick inheritance.

First day landed in Mobile, AL and drove with Rick D. to Biloxi, Mississippi. Checked in and went to our first golf course. Hot day but we were up for the game raring to go. On the first hole, I hit a good drive but my second shot went into the trap. I dug my feet in getting set for my trap shot like the pros do (note that I had low cut socks) and then hit it on the green. Felt good. Walking out of the trap I felt some small bites on my ankles and shooed away what I thought were gnats or sand fleas. Second hole my ankles began itching heavily and then my hands had an uncontrollable itching. After the drive on the third hole, I felt weak and my eyes seemed to be dilated where everything was very bright. My upper lip also began feeling numb. I told Rick we had to stop. As we pulled the cart around to return, I told him to stop as I didn’t feel right. According to Rick, I then fainted for about 20 seconds.

There was hardly anyone on the course but a twosome came up behind us and called the police. (Where is Billy the Paramedic when you need him?) A police car arrived and I sat in the air conditioned car while they called the paramedics. I was then nauseous and had a dull pain in my chest similar to a gas pain. Paramedics came and after seeing that my blood pressure was 80/40 and pulse around 40 decided to take me to the emergency room. They said my oxygen was low and put a tube in my nose. It was a scene from ER as I was on the gurney, lights and sirens going and they rattled off my BP and pulse – all as before. Got to the ER and the doc thought here was a 67 year old golfer that had a hear attack. I told him my heart was good but he said he had to do the tests. BP and pulse still very low. They put an intravenous into my arm, did three EKG ’s, blood work and an x-ray. After three hours, the doc said all the tests were fine and my BP and pulse were now normal.

I mentioned about the bites on my ankles and Rick pointed them out but the doc disregarded them. Now I had broken out in hives and had welts all over my arms and legs. The doc wanted me to stay the night “for observation.” That translates to more billing so I told him I could get better rest at the hotel and would come back if I thought necessary. I signed myself out and asked him about the hives. He said to get some Benedryl from the drugstore and basically didn’t want to have anything more to do with me since he didn’t get the heart attack he wanted and the hospital couldn’t bill more. So, Rick and I went off and got the Benedryl, which I loaded up on, followed by a prime rib dinner and a couple of drinks at the hotel/casino. Gambled a little and hit the sack early.

Next day hives gone, felt good and played 18 holes at a nice course. Only problem was that my ankles itched but I rubbed them with cortisone cream and the itching stopped. The next day, at a different course, I spoke to the pro and told him my story. I told him that I thought I might have stepped into a nest of spiders. He asked if on the following day there were a lot of small pimples on my ankles. I told him there were and he said that, without a doubt, I stepped into a nest of fire ants in the sand trap and they got on my ankles. Said there have been several cases down there where people almost died from fire ants because the ants have some kind of venom that individuals react to differently. Said his own leg got double its size once when he was bitten.

Final diagnosis – bitten by a herd of fire ants.

Moral of the story:

1 - Don’t hit a ball in the sand trap in Mississippi

2 - Don’t wear short socks

3 - Use insect repellent

And 4, most inportant - When something happens on a golf course, see the golf pro for a diagnosis and not a doctor!